Two weeks ago, I turned 23 and decided to color my hair, change jobs and pursue a masters degree. I though life's gonna be fine then but here i am again, bombarded with the same questions 3 years ago from the people who think they are in charge of my so-called life. For gawd's sake, i am now twenty-three.

Can they at least let me breathe?

According to my Chinese Horoscope for the New Year, patience should not only be a virtue for me but should be what I breathe every single day. I don't believe usually in those stuff where they tell you what your lucky numbers are, what to avoid doing and who you should do business with.

But with all this stuff happening around me lately, I am beginning to believe that all I need is
exactly PATIENCE.

Somebody should find out the what the secret formula for patience is, sell it like drive-in burgers and fries over McDonald's.

Facebook is not really for me. I have an existing account since early last year and I just can't get the hang of it. This guy's view about that social networking site pretty much sums up what I feel for it.

http://swerver.multiply.com/journal/item/248/Facebook_Barely_A_Week_After

Maybe I'm not cool or chic or whatever you want to call it but hey who cares anyway?

Thanks to swerver by the way for letting me post the link.

I am trying to understand and I am laying down my cards.
It is up to him on what he should do if I run out of cards to put in the table.
After all,in the first place this is a gamble.
Somebody has to win, somebody has to go home empty-handed.

Cranky at Christmas. Grumpy at New Year. As a Cebuano, Sinulog is the only celebration I look forward to around December-January. The festival reminds me of First Aid booths we used to setup in Basilica Sto Nino,the 9-day novena, wearing longsleeve uniforms and nursing caps in processions/parades and most of all, Manila-based bands coming over for gigs.

This is where Sonic Boom comes in.

For the past two years(or is it three?), I always make it a point to drop by Sonic Boom's Sinulog Event. You will always find me among those skinny jean+chucks combo crowd lining up for tickets. I can barely remember how much I shelled out for the tickets the past two years but I think it was around 150-200 php. In my case, it's not only about the guitar riffs,free beer and sweaty bodies jumping like crazy, Sonic Boom every Sinulog is like a reunion of sorts. I get to see friends from my groupie days in college and those passing familiar faces I always see in Handuraw(Mabolo),The Outpost and Zubu bar before.

This year, Sonic Boom is back.

Basically the same lineup of bands, except for the ones from Manila. It's now 250php for you to get in. Two days ago,Onyot, an officemate who's been to a couple of Sinulog Sonic Boom events as well asked me if I'm going this year. I told him I'm not sure yet. He was a little bit disappointed since you need to shell out more pesos to get in and the bands coming from Manila doesn't suit that much to his taste in music. This morning, the Boyfriend asked what my plans were for Sinulog Saturday.

" I dunno",I quipped.

"How about that Sonic Boom Event?"

All he got was a blank stare.

I don't know if I'm getting older but paying 250php for the bands I listened to everyday for the past five years doesn't perk me up anymore. Am I getting boring or does Sonic Boom need to do something?

Is this another "it's-me-not-you" case?

Been constantly reminding myself that this blog is not for rants but for stuff that is supposed to be a product of my creative juices. Yet here I am again, composing another entry that can be labeled as nonsense complaining and ranting. But I guess this is therapeutic for me, so move on I will and care I won't. I want this one straight to the point, so I will try to make a list.

1. Everybody's different. I am different. You are different. But sometimes I can be EXTRA-different. I rarely talk or socialize. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you can consider me a freak. Neither I'm an anti-social. It's just that I don't want to talk a lot. Why can't some people understand that I don't want to be in any group or be associated with this people in the office. Wanting to be alone doesn't necessarily mean I am lonely.

2. How I wish I can be free as other people are. Go away and just LIVE. I hope it is as simple as taking a bath.

3. The first two are kinda hazy. So I will try again to be direct.
The truth is:
I want to go to Manila and pursue THAT dream but I CANNOT.
Don't worry it's not about joining Pinoy Big Brother.
I've told around two people about it but they don't care. I know nobody cares because this is my dream anyway. But all I want is somebody telling me that I am doing the right thing. That it is worth the risk and I am not gonna regret pursuing THAT dream. I am not happy and TO LEAVE for me means TO LIVE.

This situation I am stuck with right now is like being programmed to do this and do that. I have lost contact. I bloghop here and there but I don't leave traces. No comments left or even a simple "hi" in chatboxes. Full of negative energy, I don't want to transmit it to people who write beautiful verses.

What's my name again?

Not being able to write something decent for
almost a month means only one thing: burnout.
The last time I remember posting something
is that kinky poem in Sulong erotica.
And then I just hit rock bottom,
allowing myself to just float around in my
self-made snow globe.

Just when I thought I was already safe,
Fate decided to teach me a lesson.
That not everything I want
would be given to me unless I really work hard for it.
I have to admit that I am used to
excelling on things that I choose to venture into.
Sometimes I even surprise myself.
I don't have problems at work regarding my performance,
while co-agents are struggling.
I was even promoted twice.
I got a slot in the free NCLEX scholarship
back in nursing school,
which I declined(that would be another story).
And some other "just-my-luck"� moments
that I thought were just trivial stuff back then.
I didn't do anything,
it just so happened that I was there
and they offered an extra slice of the cake.
Who am I to say no?
Yes, those things to me were effortless.
I didn't pray nor wish for it
but it was given to me.
And I am grateful.

And here comes a beautiful lady called Fate.
I don't know what I did.
I may have stepped on an
ancient burial ground perhaps,
cursed the gods or offended a higher being
but 2008 was not a breezy year for me.
To be fair with, it kicked off well
and then Summer came.
That is how it all started.
I fought and did not gave in.
I am not sure if I put up a good fight
but all resources have been exhausted.
A month ago, I was holding onto my last fort
but she wanted me to let go of it as well.
A disagreement with my direct supervisor ensued,
followed by a haywire in my performance.
Being used to things going just fine at work,
I was for the first time one of the struggling agents.
After 2 years in the industry.

Thus, the snow globe was made.
Something so fragile that any minute from now,
it might just crack under pressure.
2009 just started 2 days ago and what the?!
Let a thousand snow globes crack and break,
I am now ready to go through those shards of glass.
Even if it means going barefoot through them.

Ingon sila nga kung dili jud para nimo imong gidamgo sa kinabuhi,
dili jud siya ihatag nimo.
Bisan buhaton pa nimo tanan klase sa pag-ampo,
paningkamot ug pangita sa swerte.
Usahay makaingon ko nga hikalimtan nalang
ang akong giambisyon sa bata pa ko.
O, nadagma ko ikausa.
Suwayan nasad nako sa ikaduha,ikatulo
ika-singkwenta,ika-usa ka gatos.
Naay hinungdan ang tanan.
Dili ko mawad-an sa paglaum nga ugma damlag
ako nasad ang molupad..